All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So much rum. So many feels.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
