Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
