i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
