We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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