we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm both gender and math confused
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
