What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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