I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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