just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
