wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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