Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
