I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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