Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I came so hard my ears popped.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
