thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
