I accidentally burped into my bong.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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