HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
