My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
