She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
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