what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
