dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
