Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
