Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
