he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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