For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
