Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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