You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
