If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
