I looked at my own cervix.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
