ADVERTISEMENT

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.

  Fav 23 3479 842

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

  Fav 30 1822 13439

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (204): View more from Manitoba

  I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  you are both the best and worst wingman ever.

  Fav 17 7586 1627

  share tweet
  

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"

  Fav 10 5652 1421

  share tweet
  

• (406): View more from Montana

  Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.

  Fav 8 1106 3198

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.

  Fav 7 3140 1064

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.

  Fav 5 1761 816

  share tweet
  

• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Sad Megan is Sad

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  Have you been drinking my beer?

  Fav 5 1166 763

  share tweet
  

• (463): View more from

  I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.

  Fav 8 921 622

  share tweet
  

• (925): View more from California

  So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever

  Fav 2 530 939

  share tweet
  

• (706): View more from Georgia

  No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.

  Fav 4 456 968

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (406): View more from Montana

  I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out

  Fav 3 541 760

  share tweet
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha

  Fav 0 48 10

  share tweet
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!

  Fav 0 48 7

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (727): View more from Florida

  Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.

  (727): View more from Florida

  Anyway, how was your day?

  Fav 0 36 30

  share tweet
  

Randomize