The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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