Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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