If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
