First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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