I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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