Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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