Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
