she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
