Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
