i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
