She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
