The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
