one might say we're banned from that church
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
