I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
