just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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