Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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