I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My balls are so social today.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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