I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
