Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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