my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
