I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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