come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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