My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
